


A Soldier's Hope

by WintersLoneWolf



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Brief thought of suicide, F/M, Reunions, Self-Blame, unleash your anger on the landscape around you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 13:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16744813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WintersLoneWolf/pseuds/WintersLoneWolf
Summary: An enraged scream overcomes him as he repeatedly sends his fists to the tree – to the point they start to bleed. His angry tears blur his vision and he can’t stop the furious thoughts screaming in his head.Ahsoka was dead because he couldn’t help her.





	A Soldier's Hope

Former clone Captain Rex of the 501st Legion looked over Atollon’s endless rocky grounds as the planet’s one sun bathed the landscape in a golden light and its moon resided in the distance. On the horizon, he would occasionally see a krykna roaming about, hunting for dokma. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of interesting things to look at on this planet – besides the rocks – but it was alright, he supposed. More interesting then Tatooine – Rex hated that planet. 

The Rebellion had been waiting for any word from the Jedi that had gone off to Malachor. While they waited, Rex was left anxiously expecting the return of the Jedi as the hours slowly pass by. All this waiting was killing him. 

Rex had busied himself by working on things around the base, which had helped make the time fly by as he sat down heavily on a rock in utter exhaustion. It was aggravating how his old body dictated how much he could and could not do. He hated it. 

Distantly, there is a hum of an approaching ship. Rex jumps up from his rock and joins the other rebels as they gather – expectantly watching as the Phantom gently lands. Rex looks around at the multitude of faces and sees hope, anxiety, and fear. Rex knows that he’s one of them, as well. 

The hatch to the ship opens and Chopper rolls out slowly – if Rex didn’t know better, he’d say the droid appeared to be mournful – followed by Ezra who is supporting an injured Kanan. As the men exited, he glanced at the ship, expecting his love to appear. But she never did.

There was no Ahsoka.

In that moment, Rex knows what happened. He meets Ezra’s eyes and the boy’s expression only confirms his fears. Next to him, he can see Hera running worried eyes over Kanan’s face, her focus on the bandages that cover his eyes. Rex can feel his anger, sadness, and jealousy well up in his chest. He would never get to see her again nor be able to hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her. His love and happiness was gone, just like that.

He had failed her.

He closed his eyes tightly to keep from shedding the tears that wanted so desperately fall free. Rex clenched his fists and sharply turned, heading for a little alcove that he had found one day while exploring. His alcove was peaceful and had an added bonus – a bonus where no krykna ever roamed about in that area. Now, he just needed to keep control of his raging emotions until he was out of sight of the rebels, then he could break. Easier said than done, however.

Once out of sight, and far enough away that nobody would hear him, Rex unleashed. He sent a fist flying into the nearest plated tree coral and reveled in the way the pain shot up his arm. An enraged scream overcomes him as he repeatedly sends his fists to the tree – to the point they start to bleed. His angry tears blur his vision and he can’t stop the furious thoughts screaming in his head.

Ahsoka was dead because he couldn’t help her. All because she knew he wouldn’t be able to help. 

He was angry with her as well, but at the same time, he had to look at the broader picture and tell himself that there wasn’t anything he could’ve done to help. He would’ve been cut down in an instant if he tried.

And Ahsoka had known that. 

Rex let out a shaky sob as he collapsed against the coral, sliding down the bloody side as he buries his face in his hands – the sobs becoming an uncontrollable waterfall. As Rex wept, he could hear footsteps coming towards him and the clone draws his blaster. For all he knew, it was one of those damn krykna coming for him. 

At this rate, Rex would gladly let a krykna put him out of his misery.

When the footsteps rounded the bend, Rex was disappointed to find it was Ezra. He holstered his blaster as the boy came closer. When he noticed Rex, he ran over and crouched down to his level, worry etched deeply into his face. Ezra places a hand on Rex’s shoulder. “Are you alright, Rex?”

Rex choked out a laugh, trying to ease the boy’s concern. It wasn’t helping Rex knew and Ezra’s face grew more concerned.

“No, I’m not okay. I’m not even going to try and pretend. I know you’ll see right through it.” As Rex focuses on the kid, he catches Ezra looking at the clone’s hands.

“What did you do there?” he asked, pointing to Rex’s hands.

“Had a breakdown,” Rex responds nonchalantly. Ezra glances back to him before sitting down beside him, elbows resting on his propped knees, his young features growing somber.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help her,” he whispers, voice threatening to break, “I wanted to, but she pushed me back as Vader came bearing down.”

Rex feels a stab of anger towards Vader, for the man he used to be. A man that was a friend of his and a brother to Ahsoka. Rex no longer held any respect for Skywalker after all he had done, and as far as the clone was concerned, Anakin Skywalker was no more. 

He swallows hard as he pushes the thoughts away, focusing on the boy’s distress.

 _That sounds like Ahsoka, alright,_ Rex thinks, in fondness, desperately trying to ignore his emotions that want to take over. The clone places his hand on the boy’s shoulder squeezing in both comfort and understanding. He never thought there would be a day in which he would outlive her. Rex always figured he would be the first to go. 

How wrong he had been.

Ezra meets his eyes and the clone can see unshed tears glimmering in the orbs. Rex looks at him reassuringly. “It wasn’t your fault Ezra.” 

Ezra tucks his knees tighter against his chest, wrapping his arms around them, looking unconvinced. Rex sighs to himself and closes his eyes, searching for the courage to explain to the boy that he did all that he could. Opening his eyes, Rex says, “Ahsoka’s selfless like that. She wanted to protect you from that Sith. Don’t blame yourself for what happened.”

There are several moments of silence as Rex watches the boy process.

“Okay,” he responds, voice wavering. Ezra takes a moment to release a breath and compose himself before getting up. Rex observes as Ezra gets up and feels pride well up when the eyes that look down at him are more focused and forgiving of himself. “We should probably get you cleaned up and bandaged.”

Rex grunts in agreement, unable to help the smile tugging at his lips. He pulls his war-torn body into a standing position and tries his hardest to ignore the way his bones creak and pop under his weight as they head for the _Ghost._

Ezra follows him to his room and watches in silence as Rex sits down on his bunk and takes care of his injuries. The exhaustion is seeping into the old clone’s bones, and he tells himself to stay awake long enough to finish bandaging himself up than he can sleep.

After Rex has finished, he drops his hands into his lap, and catches something glinting in the low light of his room as he shifts.

It’s Ahsoka’s holocron. 

Rex lets out a quiet sigh through his nose and reaches over to the table attached to the durasteel wall and grabs it. He tightens his grip on the holocron as memories come for him. After giving one last squeeze, he looks to Ezra who is sitting on the floor, looking at him with open curiosity. “I’ve got something for ya.”

Rex leans forward, holding the holocron out and Ezra reaches for it, leaning back to study the sacred device in his hands. 

“Ahsoka wanted you to have that… in case something… happened to her.” Rex takes a calming breath as emotions roil in his stomach.

 _Not now,_ he tells himself. He needed to be strong for Ezra. He had just spent time convincing the boy that none of this was his fault – Rex didn’t want the courage to relapse on him. “She thought you might get some use out of it. Both you and Kanan.”

Rex watches as Ezra tightens his grip around the holocron and his jaw clenches, eyes hardening – something dark in the low light. All of the sudden, the boy’s muscles relax and he offers a simple thanks in return. 

Rex nods tiredly, a yawn escaping past his lips and he tries to stifle it but fails. Ezra picks up on the unexpected message and bids him goodnight and leaves Rex alone, with his thoughts. Lying down and burying his face into a pillow that smells strongly of Ahsoka still, his heart breaks in two.

Ahsoka’s gone.

The thought slams full force into his brain and he crumbles – alone. 

\-------------------------------------------

Two years pass by through laborious struggles against the Empire – each day seeming harder than the previous. The Empire was always one step ahead of them and seemed to know when to arrive and destroy the Rebellion’s hard work. Unfortunately for the rebels, it was never ending.

Despite the hard work, Rex had found himself reviewing battle plans on an attack that had been in the works for a while – an attack they had been solidifying against Governor Pryce and her Imperial forces. It’s during this time when he’s analyzing the plans that Ezra comes over, asking to talk in private. Worry starts to creep into Rex’s mind and he sends a silent prayer to any god’s out there that something isn’t critically wrong. Now was not the time for something to go haywire.

Ezra leads him into one of the tunnels and turns to look him dead in the eye, delivering the most heartwarming news. “Ahsoka’s alive.” 

Joy had flooded Ezra’s voice and Rex could see the way his whole face lit up in pure happiness.

Rex’s breath gets caught in his throat and he collapses against the wall for support. He’s certain that he’s about to pass out from the glorious news. He couldn’t believe what he had been told. For two years, Rex had thought Ahsoka had perished, leaving him in turmoil. It was exhilarating knowing that she was still alive.

“How do we get her back?” Rex asks breathlessly, finally processing something and making sure it comes out coherent.

The boy shrugs in response, unsure of that detail. “I don’t know, but she said she promised she would come back for me.”

Rex smiles, feeling happiness pour into his aching heart. He thanks the gods for keeping his love alive. The clone would use this revelation to give him the hope and strength he needed to power through for the upcoming battle. He was going to see her again, and he’d make sure he told her how much he loves her.

\-------------------------------------------

Years later, the Rebellion has defeated the Empire, successfully bringing peace to the galaxy. Rex couldn’t believe they had finally made it to this point. Back then, it seemed as if there was no end in sight, but they had pulled through and had come out victorious. 

Rex watches with a broad smile at the festivities going on before him as everyone celebrates with newfound freedom. He’s surprised out of the moment when he feels arms wrap around his stomach and a chin rest on his shoulder. Rex cranes his neck around and his heart leaps in joy at the familiar facial markings. “’Soka?!”

There’s a smile in response and she lets him turn around in her embrace, and Ahsoka wraps her arms around the back of his neck and kisses him deeply. He shuts his eyes, embracing her back as tears escape past his eyelids and he feels Ahsoka’s tears as well. They break apart and Rex catches sight of the staff in her hand and her new robes.

Ahsoka seems to pick up on his thoughts and smiles in adoration at him. “I made a promise to a boy long ago and I’m going to fulfill that promise.”

Rex smiles in turn, and curls an arm around her middle, pulling her into his side, with Ahsoka snaking an arm around his back, they watch the festivities together in unity. He basks in his joy of having her back at his side and he’s never felt happier in his life than at this very moment.

Rex kisses a montral and rumbles, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She responds warmly, resting her head against his.

Stars, he had never thought his life could be this happy and Rex revels in his newfound personal freedom.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, don't hesitate to leave a kudos, or comment. They help me know that people are enjoying my material. If you want to see any of my snippets for future content, check out my writing blog. (@winterslonewolf.tumblr.com).


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